Being Content

We should always be grateful, whatever stage of life we find ourselves in.  For me, I had envisioned myself and my now ex-husband, having finished raising our children, living and enjoying time to ourselves.  He had different plans, and it didn’t quite work out that way.  Our children are grown and on their own, and I am so proud of them.  But as for me, well, I am still unattached.  You may think, “What’s the big deal?  Lots of people are single, so suck it up Buttercup.”  Yes, this is true.  Many people are single and perfectly content, and many pray for companionship.  I am in that latter group. 

I loved being married and never wanted to be single again, but I must play the hand I am dealt.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has a plan for my life, and I know that I will be remarried one day.  How do I know these things?  He audibly spoke Jeremiah 29:11 to me one day as I was praying and washing dishes.  As for being remarried, He gave me a vision…a snapshot of my wedding day.  I hold on to these nuggets of gold that He so graciously afforded me.  I trust Him.  I trust His Word.  He is not One that He can lie.  He has my best interests at heart, and He’s got me.

Now, as for timing, well…He’s a bit too slow for my taste, but what’s the daughter of The King to do?  You guessed it…wait!  I don’t have to like it, but I do have to trust Him.   I know that I am in a season of metamorphosis, but what I don’t know is how long this season will last.  He is changing me day-by-day into the woman of God that I was born to be.  Although I am less than thrilled with my singleness, I do love our time together.  You see, I do not have the distraction of a mate to take my focus off Him.  I look to Him for everything.  He is my Companion, my Heavenly Husband, my Sufficiency, my Protector…my Everything.  How can I begrudge myself and Him of our precious time together by constantly whining for a husband?  I trust that He is preparing my husband for me, me for my husband and both of us for Him, and when He is good and ready and we are fully prepared, our paths will merge and together we will walk in a Christ-centered marriage.  That will be well worth the wait, so until then, I will continue to cherish alone-time with my Jesus, lay my desires down at the foot of the Cross, allow Him to change me and hold my longing for a husband in my heart…which is exactly where He dwells.

The Hard Road Has Its Rewards

Living old fashioned in a modern world isn’t easy at times.  You pretty much have to go against the grain on everything.  The world has a liberal view of things:  if it feels good do it, YOLO (you only live once), throw caution to the wind, take revenge on anyone who hurts you…the list goes on.  I used to live that way, even after I met Jesus.  I toyed around with Him for years.  Talking one way and walking another.

It was the beginning of the demise of my marriage that set my feet on a path that was heart wrenching but became one of my biggest blessings.  It was one of the most difficult times in my life which I liken unto the death of my son, that same grief day after day for seven years.  I couldn’t see past my own pain.  I dulled it with alcohol, but it never went away.  I lived in a perpetual zombie-like state, barely functioning day-to-day.  Like twirling winds, my emotions were so erratic I thought I was losing my mind.  I’d sit, drink, cry and curse…and pray.  I talked to God the whole time.  What did He do with the mess of a woman I was, with my foul mouth and drunken state?  He listened to me, He cried with me, He loved me and He changed me.  He was the only One Who understood.  He took His mighty hand and gently scooped up the ashes of my heart and with the kind of Love only a Father can give, particle by particle, He pieced my heart back together with His love and His tears for my pain.  He knew I had to go through it.  He knew this was a road I had walk, for my own sake and for His glory, and He never left my side.  

He walks with me to this very day. You see, He has a plan for my life and His plan will prevail regardless of my hardships.  Once a caterpillar wrapped in a cocoon of the pain of growth, I emerged a butterfly, spreading my beautiful wings.  I fly carried along by the winds of His Spirit.  His work in me is not finished and won’t be until I draw my last breath.  I live differently now.  I walk each day in an effort to guard my heart in Him.  I beg Him to continue to change me into the woman of God I was born to be and to fulfill His plans and purpose for my life.  I strive to listen for His still small voice to guide my footsteps.   

I am an ambassador for Christ, living for a Higher Calling, setting my wants and my desires at the foot of the Cross of Jesus and trusting Him.  It is a crucifying of my flesh and a dying to myself.  I have areas that keep resurrecting and I keep crucifying.  I lay things at the Cross and turn and pick them up once again.  It is a daily process, sometimes a minute to minute one.  Even when I slip and am unfaithful, He is faithful.  It is in His love, grace and mercy that I reside and it is here that I am safest.