“Don’t
call me Naomi,” she responded. “Instead,
call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me
home empty. Why call me Naomi when the
Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon
me?” Ruth 1:20-21
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with my
second child. It came as a complete
surprise. Dr. Williams walked into the
tiny examining room and said, “Well, you’re pregnant.” A mixture of feelings swirled inside me—shock,
joy…guilt. I was a twenty-two year old married
woman living with another man, and the child growing in my womb did not belong
to my estranged husband. A few months
later, my divorce was final and I was free from that unwanted marriage. All the while, my boyfriend and I anxiously
anticipated the arrival of our son. Then
tragedy struck. This long-awaited baby
boy was born with a heart condition and one month later his precious little
life ended. A myriad of questions
bombarded my grief stricken heart. Why
did this happen? Was I such a bad person
that God chose to do this to me? Why did
God kill my baby? On and on the
questions kept coming. I placed the
blame of my son’s death squarely on the shoulders of God. He became my scapegoat. This big, invisible, mean, judgmental God Who
could have chosen to let my baby live allowed this to happen.
My reasoning to blame God was flawed. Not once before this happened did I even
consider God. He was farthest my
mind. Why? Because I couldn’t in all good conscious live
the way I was living and consider a Holy God.
It was only after my baby was born sick that I turned to Him, as humbly
as I knew how, to pray for my son to be made well and when my prayers weren’t
answered it was all God’s fault. How
dare I point my finger at God and not take blame for my own actions? Had I asked God before I married my first
husband, I wouldn’t have gone through with it.
Had I talked to God about living with my boyfriend, I wouldn’t have done
it. Had I asked God if it was ok for me
to commit adultery and give birth to a child out of wedlock, the answer would
have been no. By choosing to ignore Him,
I could live any way I wanted, but I had no right to blame Him for the tragedy
that befell me. If I taken the time to
get to know God and ask His advice, I am positive He would have tried to steer
me on a better path. But I didn’t and
took my life into my own hands. I alone
was accountable for my actions.
Tragedies happen.
It is a part of life. Some things
happen as a direct result of the choices we make, while others happen because—let’s
face it—bad things happen. People get
sick and die, jobs are lost, children become wayward, spouses leave…the list is
never ending. I encourage you not to
wait for the difficulties in life to call on God. Get to know Him. You will find that He is a loving, caring and
compassionate Creator Who is full of grace and mercy. He beckons you to come to Him in the good
times and the bad. Read His Word, spend
time with Him and learn of Him, and when the time comes that you are faced with
tragedy, you won’t blame Him—you’ll run to Him.
