God Was My Scapegoat

“Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded.  “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty.  Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?”  Ruth 1:20-21

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with my second child.  It came as a complete surprise.  Dr. Williams walked into the tiny examining room and said, “Well, you’re pregnant.”  A mixture of feelings swirled inside me—shock, joy…guilt.  I was a twenty-two year old married woman living with another man, and the child growing in my womb did not belong to my estranged husband.  A few months later, my divorce was final and I was free from that unwanted marriage.  All the while, my boyfriend and I anxiously anticipated the arrival of our son.  Then tragedy struck.  This long-awaited baby boy was born with a heart condition and one month later his precious little life ended.  A myriad of questions bombarded my grief stricken heart.  Why did this happen?  Was I such a bad person that God chose to do this to me?  Why did God kill my baby?  On and on the questions kept coming.  I placed the blame of my son’s death squarely on the shoulders of God.  He became my scapegoat.  This big, invisible, mean, judgmental God Who could have chosen to let my baby live allowed this to happen.  

My reasoning to blame God was flawed.  Not once before this happened did I even consider God.  He was farthest my mind.  Why?  Because I couldn’t in all good conscious live the way I was living and consider a Holy God.  It was only after my baby was born sick that I turned to Him, as humbly as I knew how, to pray for my son to be made well and when my prayers weren’t answered it was all God’s fault.  How dare I point my finger at God and not take blame for my own actions?  Had I asked God before I married my first husband, I wouldn’t have gone through with it.  Had I talked to God about living with my boyfriend, I wouldn’t have done it.  Had I asked God if it was ok for me to commit adultery and give birth to a child out of wedlock, the answer would have been no.  By choosing to ignore Him, I could live any way I wanted, but I had no right to blame Him for the tragedy that befell me.  If I taken the time to get to know God and ask His advice, I am positive He would have tried to steer me on a better path.  But I didn’t and took my life into my own hands.  I alone was accountable for my actions.

Tragedies happen.  It is a part of life.  Some things happen as a direct result of the choices we make, while others happen because—let’s face it—bad things happen.  People get sick and die, jobs are lost, children become wayward, spouses leave…the list is never ending.  I encourage you not to wait for the difficulties in life to call on God.  Get to know Him.  You will find that He is a loving, caring and compassionate Creator Who is full of grace and mercy.  He beckons you to come to Him in the good times and the bad.  Read His Word, spend time with Him and learn of Him, and when the time comes that you are faced with tragedy, you won’t blame Him—you’ll run to Him.