Reflections...

I wrote this in January, 2016...

I have willingly given my life over to the Lord; it is no longer mine, but His.  I walk each day in faith that His plan for my life is playing out the way He intended, despite my humanness, innumerable mistakes, countless detours, fits of rebelliousness…that list could go on.  It’s taken many years to get to this point and the process is not a finished one and won’t be until I draw my last breath here on earth and claim my eternal inheritance.

God is good.  He has the best intentions for each of us and waits patiently for us to decide to get on board with His plan.  He nudges us, stirs our hearts, and sends people across our path in an effort to get our attention and it is up to us to embrace salvation in Jesus and walk in His love and plan.  You see, He is a gentleman and will not force Himself on us or make us do something that we don’t want to do, but when one of His children accepts the invitation…life gets a little more adventurous….well truthfully, a lot more adventurous.

I’ve shared before and will share again that my life is nothing at all like I pictured it would be.  Since I’ve chosen to walk His path and not my own, He’s brought me to a much different place than I ever imagined.  On the brink of a new year, I reflect on times past.  So much has changed in a short amount of time…some changes are good and some are heartbreaking.  Right now, in my walk with Him, it’s heartbreaking.  He’s brought me to a place of isolation and aloneness.  I’ve had to leave everyone and everything behind.  The Word tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts that your thoughts.”  I am not understanding His plan, but that is the essence of faith…I must trust in Him.

Since I’ve followed His leading and walked through the door that He’s opened for me, I ramble around this beautiful apartment that He has provided.  I have unpacked and settled in with the little I brought with me.  The dining and living areas sit empty and echo with every small sound…I trust Him to fill them in His time.  In the week that I’ve lived here, I have spent countless hours lying in bed crying, mindlessly watching TV and sleeping in an effort to fill the void that has become my life.  There is a purpose for it, He will take me to places I’ve never been and good will come from it, but it is time for me to stop wallowing in my self-pity and get on with life in spite of the constant ache in my heart and the sadness that threatens to consume me.

I must move forward in His plan.  He stirs within me the desire to finish writing a story that I’ve started and He provides ideas for new ones that are patiently waiting to be written, that blank page that desires to be transformed into a work of art guided by the Hand of God.  I’ve not been able to look past my pain to see the wonderful newness that beckons me, but it is time.  Follow in His leading good people.  Trust in Him.  It is time…

Bring Him All Your Dirty Laundry

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad       2 Corinthians 5:10

That scripture once scared the daylights out of me!  I remember thinking, “What!?  Stand before Jesus and all my dirty laundry with me and be judged according to it!!  I’m toast!”

The list of my wrongdoings was quite extensive and I was certain of the outcome of that judgement, yet, it was easier to sweep it under the rug and forget about it and continue living the way I had been, but boy oh boy, the mountain of bad behavior kept piling up and was spilling out from under that rug.  I’d tell myself that it wasn’t real and I’d joke about going to hell even though that thought terrified me, and I chugged along under the burden of my offenses.

There came a time that my heart was open to the thought that maybe all this Jesus stuff was real, but my sins kept me from moving forward because I didn’t want to face and admit all that I had done, so I buried that mountain of trash in the deep recesses of my heart, slammed the iron gate shut, locked it and threw away the key.  There, out of sight, out of mind, but just as a splinter buried within the skin soon festers, so my heart festered and just as that splinter works its way to the surface, so did my junk.  I decided to give this Jesus fella a try, what did I have to lose?  In the year 1999, I willingly handed that nasty, dirty, filth-stained heart over to Jesus.  I could lie and say it’s been peaches and cream ever since, but I won’t.  I could lie and say that I walked the straight and narrow from then on, but I didn’t.  It’s been hard, worth it, but hard!  Oh, but glory to God, Jesus is sooooo sweet!  All those horrible things that I had done were now covered in the blood of Jesus, forgiven AND forgotten by Him simply because I asked for forgiveness and meant it.  That was the easy part.  The hard part was forgiving myself and leaving it in the past.

He takes the junk that festers and heals us, and the more we give to Him, the more HE changes us.  I am not the person I used to be and it’s not my doing at all.  The only things that I did were to ask Him to forgive me and change me and believe that He would do it….He did the rest.  I’m not perfect and I still do stupid things and He still, to this day continues to change me and will continue to the day that I’m buried six-feet under.  That’s how I know He’s the real deal.  I’m not who I once was and that scripture no longer scares the daylights out of me, I actually look forward to that day!!!

Hard Times Benefit Us...Really?!

Why do we suffer hard times?  Good question, huh?  Who, besides God, knows the full reasoning?  We all face trials because, well, that’s life.  But do our hardships benefit us in any way?  Yes, I believe they do.  They teach us lessons, make us stronger, and give us wisdom.  As I read the Word this morning, I ran across another reason that God will allow us to be tested and this reason, in my opinion, is way more important than any we can conjure in our finite minds.

Deuteronomy 8:2 reads, ‘And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments or no.”  Now, this is being spoken to the Israelites but it is beneficial for us today.  God allowed them to wander those forty years in the wilderness to humble them and to test (prove) them to see what was in their hearts, to see if they would trust Him.  In the end, it was their unbelief that kept them in the wilderness.  They didn’t trust Him to go and take the land that He had promised so they wandered and wandered and wandered.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wander.  Life is way too short and time too precious to waste wandering and going nowhere. 

The Bible is full of God’s promises to us.  Will we stand on those promises, especially when we are tested, and trust Him to do what He says He will do or will we turn from Him and put trust in ourselves?  He is faithful to keep His promises, but we must stand firm and stay grounded in the Word and in prayer, even when it seems as though nothing is happening.  Don’t miss the amazing plans that God has for your life by being impatient or unbelieving.  That is the position I am in right now.

God has promised me, through a vision and His Word, something very special.  I’ve been waiting for quite some time and it gets difficult sometimes, but I have to hang on, even when I get weary of waiting.  He sustains me and is always reminding me of His promise.  A scripture that He spoke to me pops up almost daily in the oddest of places.  I’ve seen it on the back of a restaurant menu and even on a car!  He is mindful of my heartache and impatience in waiting on His promise, but wait I must, I will trust in Him.  According to His word, He is humbling me and testing my heart and this is a test that I desire to pass.  I know that what He has in store for me is far better than I can ever imagine.  It’s the same for you!  He desires to bless you beyond imagine, but you must be faithful, walk in obedience and trust Him.  Are you willing?