It's a Heart Issue

And he (Rehoboam) did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the Lord—2 Chronicles 12:14

It’s easy to get swept away in the busyness of life.  There are deadlines to meet, children to shuffle off to school, work to be done.  Life is a never ending battle with each issue vying for our attention.  We are all given the same amount of time with which to work.  The very same 1,440 minutes in a day and we need to be careful how we use them.  Once they are gone, we can never get them back.

Every day, I find myself jumping out of bed and hitting the floor running.  I jet to work, then school and then back to work again (the same day).  I am always running back and forth, my mind at top speed.  Those who work with me know what I am talking about.  I love what I do and despite my full-speed ahead, crazy busy life, I do it with a smile on my face and a glad heart.  It’s all good!!  But there is something that is not good, and I’m realizing the effects.

Here lately, my time with the Lord has been just as hurried as everything else, and it’s beginning to show.  I feel it in my heart…literally.  I can feel remnants of the old me, the one who was crucified with Christ, dead and buried, resurrecting and scratching her way through the grimy dirt and seeking to surface.  Yea, I know that sounds creepy, because IT IS!!  During the day, when I feel that old Sabrina, I whisper a half-hearted prayer to keep her at bay.  This is not sufficient.  My strength comes from the Lord and Him alone!  He promises in His precious Word that if I draw nigh to Him, He will draw nigh to me (James 4:8).  That scripture goes on to say, Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.   Unless, I do as the Word commands and what my heart knows is right, that angry, hateful and horrible Sabrina will break forth and my relationship with my Jesus will be the sacrifice, and I WILL NOT make that sacrifice.  I am so grateful that the Lord we serve is One Who is merciful and gracious and forgiving.

Why am I telling off on myself?  1 John 1:9 tells us, ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,’ and I need that forgiveness and cleansing.  The reason I am broadcasting it along the web-waves is as a testimony and a warning.  We can sacrifice many things in life, but the one thing that we cannot sacrifice is our walk with Jesus.  By walking away from Him, we lose EVERYTHING.  Eternity with Him is lost, true joy and peace is lost, His guidance and protection is lost, and our children could be lost to the very same fate because they follow our example.  This is not a sacrifice I am willing to make.  I love my Jesus, and I can’t live without Him.  He is the beat of my heart and the breath in my lungs.

I encourage you to examine yourself and your walk with Him.  Is He last on your list?  An afterthought?  Do you only give lip service and not heart service?  If you’ve answered yes to one or more of these questions, turn your heart back to Him.  His forgiveness and help is only a prayer away.

I truly love you, beautiful people!  Be blessed and walk daily in the Lord.

Reflections...

I wrote this in January, 2016...

I have willingly given my life over to the Lord; it is no longer mine, but His.  I walk each day in faith that His plan for my life is playing out the way He intended, despite my humanness, innumerable mistakes, countless detours, fits of rebelliousness…that list could go on.  It’s taken many years to get to this point and the process is not a finished one and won’t be until I draw my last breath here on earth and claim my eternal inheritance.

God is good.  He has the best intentions for each of us and waits patiently for us to decide to get on board with His plan.  He nudges us, stirs our hearts, and sends people across our path in an effort to get our attention and it is up to us to embrace salvation in Jesus and walk in His love and plan.  You see, He is a gentleman and will not force Himself on us or make us do something that we don’t want to do, but when one of His children accepts the invitation…life gets a little more adventurous….well truthfully, a lot more adventurous.

I’ve shared before and will share again that my life is nothing at all like I pictured it would be.  Since I’ve chosen to walk His path and not my own, He’s brought me to a much different place than I ever imagined.  On the brink of a new year, I reflect on times past.  So much has changed in a short amount of time…some changes are good and some are heartbreaking.  Right now, in my walk with Him, it’s heartbreaking.  He’s brought me to a place of isolation and aloneness.  I’ve had to leave everyone and everything behind.  The Word tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts that your thoughts.”  I am not understanding His plan, but that is the essence of faith…I must trust in Him.

Since I’ve followed His leading and walked through the door that He’s opened for me, I ramble around this beautiful apartment that He has provided.  I have unpacked and settled in with the little I brought with me.  The dining and living areas sit empty and echo with every small sound…I trust Him to fill them in His time.  In the week that I’ve lived here, I have spent countless hours lying in bed crying, mindlessly watching TV and sleeping in an effort to fill the void that has become my life.  There is a purpose for it, He will take me to places I’ve never been and good will come from it, but it is time for me to stop wallowing in my self-pity and get on with life in spite of the constant ache in my heart and the sadness that threatens to consume me.

I must move forward in His plan.  He stirs within me the desire to finish writing a story that I’ve started and He provides ideas for new ones that are patiently waiting to be written, that blank page that desires to be transformed into a work of art guided by the Hand of God.  I’ve not been able to look past my pain to see the wonderful newness that beckons me, but it is time.  Follow in His leading good people.  Trust in Him.  It is time…

Bring Him All Your Dirty Laundry

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad       2 Corinthians 5:10

That scripture once scared the daylights out of me!  I remember thinking, “What!?  Stand before Jesus and all my dirty laundry with me and be judged according to it!!  I’m toast!”

The list of my wrongdoings was quite extensive and I was certain of the outcome of that judgement, yet, it was easier to sweep it under the rug and forget about it and continue living the way I had been, but boy oh boy, the mountain of bad behavior kept piling up and was spilling out from under that rug.  I’d tell myself that it wasn’t real and I’d joke about going to hell even though that thought terrified me, and I chugged along under the burden of my offenses.

There came a time that my heart was open to the thought that maybe all this Jesus stuff was real, but my sins kept me from moving forward because I didn’t want to face and admit all that I had done, so I buried that mountain of trash in the deep recesses of my heart, slammed the iron gate shut, locked it and threw away the key.  There, out of sight, out of mind, but just as a splinter buried within the skin soon festers, so my heart festered and just as that splinter works its way to the surface, so did my junk.  I decided to give this Jesus fella a try, what did I have to lose?  In the year 1999, I willingly handed that nasty, dirty, filth-stained heart over to Jesus.  I could lie and say it’s been peaches and cream ever since, but I won’t.  I could lie and say that I walked the straight and narrow from then on, but I didn’t.  It’s been hard, worth it, but hard!  Oh, but glory to God, Jesus is sooooo sweet!  All those horrible things that I had done were now covered in the blood of Jesus, forgiven AND forgotten by Him simply because I asked for forgiveness and meant it.  That was the easy part.  The hard part was forgiving myself and leaving it in the past.

He takes the junk that festers and heals us, and the more we give to Him, the more HE changes us.  I am not the person I used to be and it’s not my doing at all.  The only things that I did were to ask Him to forgive me and change me and believe that He would do it….He did the rest.  I’m not perfect and I still do stupid things and He still, to this day continues to change me and will continue to the day that I’m buried six-feet under.  That’s how I know He’s the real deal.  I’m not who I once was and that scripture no longer scares the daylights out of me, I actually look forward to that day!!!