God Will Finish What He Starts

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6

When I read that scripture from Philippians, I am whisked back in time.  I can see myself sitting upon a parked 4-wheeler in my back yard, hiding in the darkness.  In one hand a glass filled to the brim with whiskey and coke, a straw protruding from the top.  The straw was vital.  It allowed me to consume the contents of the glass quickly so that within minutes the effects would take hold.  I held a cigarette in my other hand.  This was my nightly ritual for many months.  I wanted nothing more than to escape but I couldn’t.  Night after night I would drink and smoke and cuss and cry…and pray.  Lifting my eyes to the dark sky, I would shake my fist at God and cuss Him one minute then beg Him to make it all stop the next.  I felt so alone.  Inside the house sat my sons…I had emotionally abandoned them.  Their mom couldn’t cope.  It was such a sad time in our household.

I was broken.  My heart crushed into powder.  Life as I knew it was over and I didn’t know how to move on.  I wanted it all to stop and for everything to go back to normal, even though normal wasn’t normal at all.  I didn’t know what to do with the excruciating pain and the consuming emptiness.  How was I supposed to deal with that?  Alcohol and cigarettes became my best friends, yet my actions didn't reflect who I truly was.  I knew I wasn’t that kind of woman anymore.  I had given all that up when Jesus came into my life and changed me, now here I was back again.  Amidst my drunkenness, I knew that I was in danger of completely walking away from God.  The fear of not having the Lord in my life added to my pain.  I couldn’t lose Him, too.  But God being God, He reminded me of that scripture.  Intermingled with the cussing and rants, I begged Him not to let me go.  I’d tell Him, “You promised that you started a good work in me and You would carry it on until the day of the Lord Jesus Christ.  If You let me go, I will be lost forever!  Please don’t let me go!”  He didn’t let me go—He held me all the tighter.

As I recall that time in my life, the tears flow, but they aren’t the same kind of tears as they were back then.  These are tears of gratitude to a God Who is faithful.  When I had given up on myself, He hadn’t give up on me.  He continues to change me day by day and He will continue for the rest of my life, until the day that I meet Jesus face-to-face.