God Will Finish What He Starts

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6

When I read that scripture from Philippians, I am whisked back in time.  I can see myself sitting upon a parked 4-wheeler in my back yard, hiding in the darkness.  In one hand a glass filled to the brim with whiskey and coke, a straw protruding from the top.  The straw was vital.  It allowed me to consume the contents of the glass quickly so that within minutes the effects would take hold.  I held a cigarette in my other hand.  This was my nightly ritual for many months.  I wanted nothing more than to escape but I couldn’t.  Night after night I would drink and smoke and cuss and cry…and pray.  Lifting my eyes to the dark sky, I would shake my fist at God and cuss Him one minute then beg Him to make it all stop the next.  I felt so alone.  Inside the house sat my sons…I had emotionally abandoned them.  Their mom couldn’t cope.  It was such a sad time in our household.

I was broken.  My heart crushed into powder.  Life as I knew it was over and I didn’t know how to move on.  I wanted it all to stop and for everything to go back to normal, even though normal wasn’t normal at all.  I didn’t know what to do with the excruciating pain and the consuming emptiness.  How was I supposed to deal with that?  Alcohol and cigarettes became my best friends, yet my actions didn't reflect who I truly was.  I knew I wasn’t that kind of woman anymore.  I had given all that up when Jesus came into my life and changed me, now here I was back again.  Amidst my drunkenness, I knew that I was in danger of completely walking away from God.  The fear of not having the Lord in my life added to my pain.  I couldn’t lose Him, too.  But God being God, He reminded me of that scripture.  Intermingled with the cussing and rants, I begged Him not to let me go.  I’d tell Him, “You promised that you started a good work in me and You would carry it on until the day of the Lord Jesus Christ.  If You let me go, I will be lost forever!  Please don’t let me go!”  He didn’t let me go—He held me all the tighter.

As I recall that time in my life, the tears flow, but they aren’t the same kind of tears as they were back then.  These are tears of gratitude to a God Who is faithful.  When I had given up on myself, He hadn’t give up on me.  He continues to change me day by day and He will continue for the rest of my life, until the day that I meet Jesus face-to-face.

Where's My Adventure?

Today at work as I took a few minutes to brew myself a cup of coffee, a thought occurred to me. My life is so mundane. I’m not necessarily unhappy with it…the everydayness of it is quite comfortable. The blessings that God has bestowed upon me are innumerable and I am very grateful, but there are desires that burn deep within my heart. These desires step out of the mundane and into a life of adventure—a life I never knew existed.

The Word tells us in Psalm 37:4, “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” In this passage, the definition of delight means to be pliable. The verse before it says to ‘trust in the Lord and do good.’ Now here, the definition of ‘trust’ means to put confidence in and to ‘do good’ means to be joyful. Hmmm…put my confidence in Him, be joyful and pliable. 

It was through the toughest times of my life that I learned of God’s faithfulness. When I spent years walking through the fire, He was right beside me. When my dwelling place was in the pit of despair, He was there. Never once did He leave me. Every heartache and pain that I will endure…He is already there. God uses these hardships to shape me into the woman He created me to be. My job is to step aside and let Him accomplish His will in me. I know that no tear I cry is in vain. This is a lifelong process as I continue to grow in Him and continue to place my confidence in Him. Not every day is a joyful one. The Bible says that weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). I am never alone—He is ever with me.

Remember those desires I was talking about? Well, those are stored in my heart. God knows them. I firmly believe He planted them there, but my focus isn’t on them, it’s on Him. He is my joy and my strength. He is my all-in-all. He is my everything. Without Him, I am nothing. Without Him, I can do nothing. I have confidence that in His timing He will bring my desires to fruition. How do I know? Because they center around Him and bring Him glory.

God Was My Scapegoat

“Don’t call me Naomi,” she responded.  “Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me home empty.  Why call me Naomi when the Lord has caused me to suffer and the Almighty has sent such tragedy upon me?”  Ruth 1:20-21

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with my second child.  It came as a complete surprise.  Dr. Williams walked into the tiny examining room and said, “Well, you’re pregnant.”  A mixture of feelings swirled inside me—shock, joy…guilt.  I was a twenty-two year old married woman living with another man, and the child growing in my womb did not belong to my estranged husband.  A few months later, my divorce was final and I was free from that unwanted marriage.  All the while, my boyfriend and I anxiously anticipated the arrival of our son.  Then tragedy struck.  This long-awaited baby boy was born with a heart condition and one month later his precious little life ended.  A myriad of questions bombarded my grief stricken heart.  Why did this happen?  Was I such a bad person that God chose to do this to me?  Why did God kill my baby?  On and on the questions kept coming.  I placed the blame of my son’s death squarely on the shoulders of God.  He became my scapegoat.  This big, invisible, mean, judgmental God Who could have chosen to let my baby live allowed this to happen.  

My reasoning to blame God was flawed.  Not once before this happened did I even consider God.  He was farthest my mind.  Why?  Because I couldn’t in all good conscious live the way I was living and consider a Holy God.  It was only after my baby was born sick that I turned to Him, as humbly as I knew how, to pray for my son to be made well and when my prayers weren’t answered it was all God’s fault.  How dare I point my finger at God and not take blame for my own actions?  Had I asked God before I married my first husband, I wouldn’t have gone through with it.  Had I talked to God about living with my boyfriend, I wouldn’t have done it.  Had I asked God if it was ok for me to commit adultery and give birth to a child out of wedlock, the answer would have been no.  By choosing to ignore Him, I could live any way I wanted, but I had no right to blame Him for the tragedy that befell me.  If I taken the time to get to know God and ask His advice, I am positive He would have tried to steer me on a better path.  But I didn’t and took my life into my own hands.  I alone was accountable for my actions.

Tragedies happen.  It is a part of life.  Some things happen as a direct result of the choices we make, while others happen because—let’s face it—bad things happen.  People get sick and die, jobs are lost, children become wayward, spouses leave…the list is never ending.  I encourage you not to wait for the difficulties in life to call on God.  Get to know Him.  You will find that He is a loving, caring and compassionate Creator Who is full of grace and mercy.  He beckons you to come to Him in the good times and the bad.  Read His Word, spend time with Him and learn of Him, and when the time comes that you are faced with tragedy, you won’t blame Him—you’ll run to Him.